The Bottom Line

For the past week I have been in a major funk. There are little reasons, life, but truth be told a large part of my funk is due to the big first birthday. I did not have this with Ava. Maybe it was because I was busy planning a party. Maybe it was because I knew I would have another go around at babyhood. For what ever the reason this is new.

I know I do not really want another baby.  I know I REALLY do not want to be pregnant again.  At least I know I do not want these things in a logical reality.  But the lovely thoughts about the day they arrive, falling asleep in your arms, snuggling, baby smell, in short babyhood make me think.  Lets just say I have been snuggling just a little bit more, holding her before bed just a little longer, watching her just a little more closely and trying desperately to pause. There have been tears, and smiles and giggles and smiles that create the tears.  There are just so many memories to save, so many moments to hold. I just hope I can remember.

Everything.

In honor of the birthday girl here are some pics in her birthday suit.  Taken about two months ago but not yet blogged…

Peek-a-boo

Read Full Post »

Our Favorite Gals

Ava is not a huggy, cuddly kind of kid.  Now at almost four she is more snugly than she ever was as a baby with Larry and I.  It is hilarious however, to see her with her friends. They squeeze her with the biggest bear hugs and there is my girl frozen with this tortured look on her face.  I suppose someday I should get a picture of that!  So when Kristin and Hope headed north for a girls slumber party and Ava squealed “Hope!” and gave her the biggest bear hug ever my heart melted.  Despite the distance these girls love each other.  Months can go by but it is like no time had passed.  There have been many posts like this and there are never words for how much my heart sings that these girls are in our lives.  Thank you again for a wonderful weekend our cherished friends!

Love this kid!

Love these gals!

Read Full Post »

Monet

One day in Paris I stopped at a smaller museum that was featuring Monet’s largest paintings. I was totally unaware of the shear size of some of the water lily pieces until I saw them. They never had been my favorite but no denying their beauty! What struck me was the vision behind them. Up close it was just a mess of color, shades, and texture. Until you stepped back and saw the larger image take form.

Today it struck me. I feel like a Monet. From far away I appear showered, organized and well, together. But up close I am just a big old mess. That is it.

Today I am a Monet.

Read Full Post »

Read This!

Sometimes you read something that not only speaks to your heart but is as if someone else was actually listening to your heart speak.  I know that I regularly post about motherhood its ups, downs and everywhere in between!  But I read an article from another blogger this week that must be shared.  Here is just one excerpt that really spoke to me but please, please click on the link and read the entire piece.

“My point is this. I used to worry that not only was I failing to do a good enough job at parenting, but that I wasn’t enjoying it enough. Double failure.  I felt guilty because I wasn’t in parental ecstasy every hour of every day and I wasn’t MAKING THE MOST OF EVERY MOMENT like the mamas in the parenting magazines seemed to be doing. I felt guilty because honestly, I was tired and cranky and ready for the day to be over quite often. And because I knew that one day, I’d wake up and the kids would be gone, and I’d be the old lady in the grocery store with my hand over my heart. Would I be able to say I enjoyed every moment? No.

But the fact remains that I will be that nostalgic lady. I just hope to be one with a clear memory. And here’s what I hope to say to the younger mama gritting her teeth in line:

 “It’s helluva hard, isn’t it? You’re a good mom, I can tell. And I like your kids, especially that one peeing in the corner. She’s my favorite. Carry on, warrior. Six hours till bedtime.”And hopefully, every once in a while, I’ll add– “Let me pick up that grocery bill for ya, sister. Go put those kids in the van and pull on up- I’ll have them bring your groceries out.”

So Carpe Diem what ever minutes of the day you can but know that you are not alone.

I now am going to have a dance party with my girls, tell Ava to keep my kisses, nurse Ella off to nap and kiss her peacefully sleeping cheek and for an hour not worry about the thousands of things on my to do list!  And later… after I have cleaned the kitchen for the 500th time this week, Ava is having her afternoon no nap meltdown and Ella is pawing at me for more milk I will most likely be counting the minutes to daddy’s arrival and praying for bedtime.  Such is the perfectly exhausting job of motherhood.

Read Full Post »

Tis the Season

To be behind on just about everything and begin the year long resolution to start this year right and stay on top of things!

Happy 2012!

Ava's first gingerbread house

Here is to more frequent blog posts, a cleaner house and time to breath… is that even possible!?

Read Full Post »

Coming Soon…

Sanity?

I have not been myself lately… tired, irritable, distractible, frustrated. Right now I am chalking it up to lack of sleep and hormone shifts.  Regardless of the cause, my way of battling such feelings is too take on projects. This is clearly a double edged sword as I need the projects to gain a sense of accomplishment, completion and sanity but my day leaves very little time to complete such tasks which then results in additional stress and frustration!  The answer…?

In addition to editing client pictures my major project has been designing Ava’s big girl room!!!  I am obsessed!  I started out with one plan that was quickly squashed by the reality of a little B word… budget.  I could have easily went to Land of Nod and decorated happily from floor to ceiling but I guess the B word forced me into making the room much more special and creative.  In fact now that I am passed the half way point I must say I think I am going to LOVE it!  All the furniture is old, refinished or repurposed and all the art work and photos are handmade my me!

I did splurge here and there.  Here being the BEDDING!  The frame itself is an antique iron bed found on craigslist for a great price.  The bedding was handpicked by the little munchkin herself from the Land of Nod catalog.  The combination of the two could not be more perfect and is the inspiration behind all the other details entering the space.  I call it her princess and the pea bed.  So high we need to add rails to both sides, at least for a little while.  And the most important thing, Ava LOVES it!!!  You she see her smile as she climbs up and snuggles.

So consider this your sneak peek into Ava’s new space more coming soon…

Read Full Post »

Top Three at Three

Ella Elizabeth is three months!  I can hardly believe it.  Can it be that this first year will move even faster than Ava’s?

1.  Strength-  Ella is already holding her head up so straight, pushing on the ground wanting to stand and moving her feet during tummy time like she is going to crawl away any second!  She LOVES watching Ava, I fear that this will be motivation creating another early crawler.  After all her sister was across the room at 5.5 months which hardly seems possible… we will see!

2.  Smiles-  I swear Ella came out smiling!  She smiled from day one while sleeping and she was about 4 weeks when I went to pick her up only to receive the best brightest smile ever!  Now the giggles have begun… AMAZING!!!  Just look at these 3 month photos I already am getting smiles right at the camera!!!!  A mama photographers dream!

3.  Sounds and singing-  Ella is a talker… the gift of gab already.  She tells me whole stories.  When I sing her favorite lullabies she will even sing with me!  Her favorite song is “You are my sunshine”!!!

Happy Three Months my darling girl

Read Full Post »

You Are Significant

You were born a daughter.
You looked up to your mother.
You looked up to your father.
You looked up at everyone.
You wanted to be a princess.
You thought you were a princess.
You wanted to own a horse.
You wanted to be a horse.
You wanted your brother to be a horse.
You wanted to wear pink.
You never wanted to wear pink.
You wanted to be a Veterinarian.
You wanted to be President.
You wanted to be the President’s Veterinarian.
You were picked last for the team.
You were the best one on the team.
You refused to be on the team.
You wanted to be good in algebra.
You hid during algebra.
You wanted the boys to notice you.
You were afraid the boys would notice you.
You started to get acne.
You started to get breasts.
You started to get acne that was bigger than your breasts.
You wouldn’t wear a bra.
You couldn’t wait to wear a bra.
You couldn’t fit into a bra.
You didn’t like the way you looked.
You didn’t like the way your parents looked.
You didn’t want to grow up.
You had your first best friend.
You had your first date.
You had your second best friend.
You had your second first date.
You spent hours on the telephone.
You got kissed.
You got to kiss back.
You went to the prom.
You didn’t go to the prom.
You went to the prom with the wrong person.
You spent hours on the telephone.
You fell in love.
You fell in love.
You fell in love.
You lost your best friend.
You lost your other best friend.
You really fell in love.
You became a steady girlfriend.
You became a significant other.
YOU BECAME SIGNIFICANT TO YOURSELF.

Sooner or later, you start taking yourself seriously. You know when you need a break. You know when you need a rest. You know what to get worked up about and what to get rid of. And you know when it’s time to take care of yourself, for yourself. To do something that makes you stronger, faster, more complete.

Because you know it’s never too late to have a life. And never too late to change one.

JUST DO IT

– Nike

I stumbled upon this old Nike ad today on another blog and just had to re-post it.  I read it several times. First came the goose bumps then the tears.  Every girl and mother should read and reread this poem.  In the beginning all I could think about was how I wanted my girls to have it posted somewhere special throughout their teen years, to live it on their path to finding their own significance.  Truth be told I am still some days searching for mine but most days feel that through all those above mentioned experiences I have made peace with myself and found my confidence.  I hope more than anything that I am able to pass on an understanding and confidence to my girls so that they too can truly see just how smart, beautiful and incredible they are.  That they can live and thrive in that significance and then give it back to the world.

Read Full Post »

Bonus Snap: Pieces of Me

So yet to exist is a photo of Ella and I. Terrible I know. There may not be a photo but this little munchkin has my finger and my heart… forever….

Read Full Post »

Saturday Snap: “I Do Not Want to Nap!”

Ava will often opt out of her midday nap, despite the fact that she is in her room for over an hour each day for quite time. She will say “I do not want to nap!”  all the time I am thinking… “YES YOU DO!!!”   How do I know that she does in fact NEED a nap… The overall crankiness and whining are good clues but most of all it is because after 3pm spending only 15 min in the car or this case the stroller she is out! If only I could make her room simulate these motions!  Yes honey, you do NEED a nap!

Read Full Post »